Leonardo da Vinci
This is a little watercolor I did several years ago. The calico in the bottom left corner is Mollie who moved on to kitty heaven four years ago. The chubby one on the chair, is Wheezie. Since Mollie left, she has been "The Queen". Although I loved them both, I must admit Wheezie was always my special baby...my favorite. If you are a cat lover, you understand. We love them all, but every so often one grabs that special corner of your heart... that none other will ever occupy...and claims it for her own. Friday I had to let her go. It was one of the most painful things I have ever had to do. I miss her so much my heart just hurts.
Are there worse things happening in the world? Of course. I know this. I also know I will get through it. I'll have to. But for now I must allow myself time to maneuver through the loud, sad reminders that she is not here. I will no longer wake up to her little song and dance in the morning as she waits impatiently for me to fill her bowl. I will sit on the couch with my morning coffee and experience what was once our special quiet time together - alone. Her food, water bowls and litter box are all gone. My whole house feels so empty. I just went out to my studio to try to do some work and could not stay there. She is not draped across my work space, drinking my dirty paint water, or lying on my palette. How can I ever again be creative out there?
I promised I was not going to do a blog post about this. It would be too painful. I will be strong. I will keep this little heartbreak private. But today, as I tried to sit at my drawing table I realized, it's not all about me and my feelings. For 16 blessed years she has given me unconditional love. She knew when I was sad and needed comforting. She knew when I needed to slow down, take a break and have a cat in my lap to pet. She listened as I babbled when she was the only one here to talk to and she kept Eddie's side of the bed warm and cozy, nuzzling up close to me when he was away on a trip. She was always just a few feet from me no matter where I was in my house- just in case I needed her company. I can not let her go without shouting to the world how much she meant to me and how much I am going to miss her. She deserves at least that much.
Maybe my words will help wash my sadness away with my tears. Maybe soon the hole in my heart will get a little smaller. But you can rest assured, that one little corner she claimed there will always belong just to her.
Now I am reminded, how really lucky I am. My loving, thoughtful husband, who not only has a huge heart but also occupies the biggest part of mine, has just come home from the store with not only dinner ingredients, but this beautiful flower arrangement to cheer me up. Where in the world did this man come from? And how did I get so lucky to land him?! Love you, baby!! Thanks for always being there to share my sorrows, my joys... my life.
Safe and happy 4th of July celebrations everyone!
Back soon with cheery posts, I promise.
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